So I Married an ADDer

Driving Miss Dozy

For the time being, Jen and I have only one car. We plan to buy a second one soon, but for now Jen has to drive me to and from the train.

I prefer to take the 7:13 train because it's a lot less crowded than the one after it (at 7:28) and it gets me into the city a few minutes earlier. In order for me to make the 7:13 train, we need to leave at about 6:45.

I catch the 7:13 maybe once a week. It's not Jen's fault that I miss it -- it's mine. When my alarm goes off at 6:00 I say to my half-conscious self that I'll just take the later train. Snooze.

But if I were to miss the later train, I'd be late to work, and that would be bad. So we need to leave the house at 7:00 the latest. I am usually ready at 6:50. Jen gets up at 6:59. Within 30 seconds, she's out the door yelling, "Don't worry! I've been doing this my whole life! I'll get you there!"

For the 20 minute car ride, my groggy chauffeur stares bleary-eyed at the road, speeding whenever possible and shouting obscenities at other drivers. If I attempt an animated conversation, she puts a hand on my leg and says, "You're too much for me right now. I haven't even had my coffee."

We arrive at the train station in one piece, where she drops me off at the entrance and tells me to have a good day. Yesterday she was so disoriented that she told me to have a good night.

I will be happy when we get a second car, but the drive to the train won't be as fun.

Housechasing

We've been in our new house for exactly two weeks, and now that everything is put away (well, pretty much everything), the daily challenge of keeping it there has been a swift kick in the ass.

In the apartment, I didn't have this problem. "Oh look, there's an empty Snapple bottle in the living room. Let me walk five steps to the compactor room and put it in the recycling bin." Now it's not so easy. If something is out of its designated room, it might as well be in Kentucky. Our very attractive staircase is not so attractive once you start ascending it. The same goes for the steps down to the basement and garage. Let's not mention the driveway, which is a straight climb uphill. And don't forget our hastily constructed "walkway" to the front door, which only nimble contractors and mountain goats can handle. I'm losing weight just by living on a hill.

So how does this relate to ADD? Well, it's interesting. If Jen sees an empty iced tea bottle on the counter, she can ignore it until it breeds more bottles and then take them all down to the garage together. Whereas I, the non-ADD one, can not overlook something that is out of place. Granted, I'm not as neurotic as I make myself sound. I leave my pants on the floor at the end of the day just like everyone else. But since we moved into the house, I am no longer housekeeping, I am housechasing.

I just can't seem to keep up. The minute I put the hammer away, two screwdrivers show up in the guest room. As soon as I get all of the dog's oatmeal off the baseboards, she flings spaghetti into the formal dining room. I no longer sit down. I am always dashing from room to room, trying desperately to keep things clean. And I don't even have children yet.

You're thinking I should relax my standards. Of course it was easier to keep up a one-bedroom apartment than a four-bedroom house on an acre of land. Don't be so hard on yourself. No one is going to judge you for the clumps of grass in the master bedroom. Lighten up, you say. Act ADD. Look at your partner! She's on the floor in the living room, laughing at the classified ads in the town paper. "Erin, you have to see this! Three hens. Great layers. Good home. Only $3!"

I guess when you're a hen, any home is a good home. I should remember that.

ADD News Roundup

A study came out this week suggesting that an antioxidant found in a certain type of tree bark can alleviate some of the negative symptoms of ADD. In German children. Who like to gnaw on trees.

In other news, LOST star Michelle Rodriguez gave an interview in Cosmo in which she mentions having ADD. Unfortunately, she does nothing to highlight the positive side of ADD. Perhaps some tree bark would help.

Help Erin read!

I am a non-fiction junkie these days. I like to learn about things I know almost nothing about from the onset. I have about 25 books on my wish list at the moment, and I've narrowed it down to 3 that I want to read next. Please help me decide which book to buy next by answering my little poll. I will totally read whichever one ya'll pick. Thanks!

Someone's been drinking the stupid juice.

Jen and I have a joke between us that comes out when I say or do something particularly unintelligent. We say I've been drinking the "stupid juice."

This doesn't refer to actual stupid juice (a mixture of Gatorade and vodka), but rather a metaphorical juice that I've been tapping into quite a bit lately.

Now, I hesitate to call anyone stupid. I think we all have our own unique talents and abilities. I do, however, have an IQ within the top 10% of the population, a published study in an academic journal, and I know all the words to "I'm My Own Grandpa."

I grew up thinking I was smart, but now I'm not always sure. There are no grades in adult life. No one is going to give me a B+ in vacuuming or a gold star for paying the mortgage. It no longer matters whether I can point out an isosceles triangle or whether I can even spell isosceles. But it does matter whether or not I can keep enough money in my checking account to cover all the checks I've written, which was today's dose of stupid juice.

There's a Harvard psychologist called Howard Gardner who believes that all humans are equally intelligent, and given the fact that I can't cook a chicken breast without burning it to a crisp, I like his ideas. His theory of multiple intelligences breaks down the different areas in which people can be intelligent:

Verbal/Linguistic (writers, interpreters)
Logical/Mathematical (scientists, computer programmers)
Visual/Spatial (artists, engineers)
Body/Kinesthetic (athletes, dancers)
Auditory/Musical (singers, musicians)
Interpersonal Communication (teachers, politicians)
Intrapersonal Communication (philosophers, theologists)

If I had to pick one of these areas in which I have the most intelligence, I would have to say Verbal/Linguistic. I like words (especially words like meatballs and schadenfreude). Jen is strongest in Interpersonal Communication, which makes her a great coach. I would guess that a lot of ADDers are excellent with Interpersonal Communication, and probably also in the Auditory/Musical realm (based on what I've witnessed at the ADDA talent show). What do you think?

So maybe it's not that I was hitting the stupid juice when I tried to scrape the ice off my windshield with a shard of broken glass. I'm just smarter at certain things than others!

Think outside the box.

As you know (and are probably sick of hearing by now), Jen and I are in the process of moving to a new house. We're going from a one-bedroom apartment in the city to a four-bedroom house in the country. You would think we'd have an easy time packing, given that we're currently living in less than 1/3 the square footage we're moving into. We started packing a couple of days ago, and I thought it was going well. And yet, mysterious piles are beginning to appear throughout the apartment. Allow me to describe the contents of one such pile next to the drainboard in the kitchen:

one brown leather wallet, empty
one bag citrus flavor vitamin c drops
one wire hanger
one keychain, keyless
one glass vial citronella oil
one swatch watch, penguin theme
one comb

I'd like someone to tell me what a non-ADD person is meant to do with these items. I refuse to simply put them in a box, at least not the same box. It was hard enough for me to put winter scarves and gloves in a box with the electric carving knife and the fondue pot. You think I'm kidding? We also have a box containing tap shoes and rain ponchos.

Jen's ADD is not entirely to blame for this mayhem. This is actually my first significant move, having managed with suitcases thus far in my life. I wasn't aware that every box should be stuffed to capacity to maximize space. I understand the whole fill-every-nook-and-cranny concept; it's the logic that's killing me.

For example, today I actually had this thought: The coat closet is not that far from the kitchen. Why not put the ski hats in the food processor?

I feel very conflicted. As a linear thinker, I normally enjoy putting things in boxes, metaphorically. But now that I'm putting non-metaphorical things in non-metaphorical boxes, it's a whole other ball game. In this situation, I'm forced to admit that ADD is the way to go.

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

nag (v.) 1: remind or urge constantly; (n.) a small saddle horse or pony.

I have a nagging problem. Not a problem that is nagging me, but a problem with nagging. The problem is that I do it constantly.

For example, every time we get in the car, I "remind" Jen to drive carefully. Sometimes I remind her to drive carefully several times in one trip.

The thing is, Jen has a perfect driving record. It's me that can't be trusted behind the wheel. I've been in a number of minor car accidents, one that also involved an emu.

But I digress. The point I'm trying to make here is that (1) I am a nag and (2) nagging gets me nowhere. ADDers react very poorly to nagging. In fact, nagging only serves to prolong whatever it is you're trying to get your ADDer to do.

Let's say you want your ADDer to put the recyclables in the bin outside, brush their teeth, and come to bed. DO NOT say, "Honey when are you going to put the recyclables in the bin, brush your teeth, and come to bed?" This will cause them to continue playing video games. DO forget about the recyclables. It's never going to happen. Take them to the bin yourself. DO brush your own teeth, making audible brushing and rinsing noises so your ADDer subconsciously becomes aware that it's time to get ready for bed. DO go to bed without them. Soon your ADDer will tire of whatever they're doing, realize they're alone, and come join you. Worst case scenario, they stay up all night and vow never to do it again because they were so tired the next day.

If you're a nag like me, you're not alone...er...we're not alone. Just do a Google search for stop nagging.