So I Married an ADDer

No rest for the weary.

It's about 3PM on a Tuesday afternoon - a slow day at the office - and all I can think about is a nap. Of course, this being America, I can't take a siesta and I have no privacy at work. I'll have to make do with a cup of iced coffee and hope the sand man leaves to stalk someone else.

Some of the signs that indicate you may need more sleep include:

• difficulty waking up in the morning,
• inability to concentrate,
• falling asleep during work or class, and
• feelings of moodiness, irritability, depression or anxiety.

If you are consistently tired or drowsy during the day, you probably aren’t getting enough sleep. Microsleeps, brief episodes of sleep during the day, are also an indication that you are sleep deprived. (www.helpguide.org)

According to the National Sleep Foundation, here are some basic attributes and habits of people who get the proper amount of sleep:

They go to bed before midnight.
They wake up before 8:00 AM.
They fall asleep in an average of 15.4 minutes.
An hour before going to bed, they spend time with family and read.

Compare this to the group the National Sleep Foundation calls "Overworked, Overweight, Overcaffeinated":

16% go to bed after midnight (most go between 11:00-12:00).
21% wake up after 8:00 AM.
70% report frequently staying up later than planned.
They fall asleep in an average of 29.3 minutes, with 32% taking over 30 minutes.
An hour before bed, they go on the Internet, listen to music, and often do work relating to their job.

So which group are you in?

And lastly, a note about counting sheep: Can anyone actually count sheep? I can't, and neither can Jen or my mother. Jen's sheep rarely make it over the fence. It's too high and the poor things fall backward. My mother's sheep jump the fence too fast for her to count. And my sheep develop unique personalities and outfits to match...punk rock sheep, police officer sheep, nun sheep, etc. It's too distracting and it keeps me up.

You got some 'splainin to do.

Last night, I said to Jen, "I need something to blog about. You haven't been very ADD lately." And she said, "Why don't you write about that?"

We moved into our new house just over a month ago. By now, I'm settled into my commute and Jen is settled into her routine. That's right, I said routine. 

There have been some dramatic changes in our lifestyle since we left the apartment. When I come home at night, Jen is never on the computer. In fact, she's not even in her office. I used to have to pry her away. Now she ends her work day without a struggle.

Instead, she's in the kitchen. Last night I found her on the deck grilling spare ribs. The dog had already eaten. The dishes were all loaded into the dishwasher. The laundry was washed, folded, and put away. The fridge was full of fresh fruits and vegetables. The downstairs was vacuumed. And she still put in a full day of work!

I knew that living in a house instead of an apartment would bring about some big changes. But I'm amazed at what the increase in space has done for Jen. I can't say that I mind coming home to Donna Reed, but I do miss Lucy Ricardo.

Whoa, Pennysaver!

I know I haven't posted any funny ADD stuff in awhile, so here's something that will hopefully make up for it. This is a jingle on our local radio station that Jen has taken to singing while I'm trying to go to sleep.

I give you PENNYSAVER!

You'd be paranoid too, if everyone was out to get you.

Today I want to talk about paranoia. Okay, so it's not outwardly related to ADD, but perhaps I can make it fit.

Dr. Phil once said something that has stayed with me for years: You wouldn't care so much about what people thought of you if you realized how seldom they did.

Now, I am not a big fan of Dr. Phil, but that little gem has helped me through many a paranoid episode. I am and always have been extremely self-conscious. It makes commuting in New York City a nightmare. I think everyone from the subway to the street is looking at me, and not in a nice way.

I know for a fact that total strangers do not care about me, and yet I find it so hard to believe when I'm there in the moment. The woman to whom Dr. Phil uttered that line was paranoid about her house not being clean when guests dropped by unannounced. I can relate. Now that I'm a homeowner, I've become one of those women that answers the door with, "Please excuse the mess. It's never like this."

But what Dr. Phil said made total sense. The neighbors couldn't give a rat's ass about the couple of Cheerios on the floor, or the unopened mail on the couch, or the dog hair tumbleweed in the corner. They just want to borrow a cup of sugar and go home.

The part of me with the degree in psychology sometimes prompts me to read up on the latest research, and earlier this week I came across an article about a British study on paranoia. The researchers found that over 40% of people regularly worry that negative comments are being made about them, and 27% think that people deliberately try to irritate them. The article then references a new book and website that launched about two weeks ago, paranoidthoughts.com. (The website is clearly designed to sell the book, but it's still an okay resource.)

So what does it all mean for ADDers and their other halves? The way I see it, it means we need to cut ourselves some slack. I know a lot of ADDers who worry what people will think of their home, office, desk, car, overgrown sheep, etc.

It's easier said than done to stop worrying, but maybe the Dr. Phil quote will be one that you remember. You wouldn't care so much about what people thought of you if you realized how seldom they did. It's better to spend that mental energy on something more enjoyable.

Book Review: Street Crazy

I want to thank you all for voting in my little poll on which book to read next. 55% of you wanted me to read Street Crazy: America's Mental Health Tragedy by Stephen B. Seager, and so I did.

Although I'm sure Dr. Seager is an excellent psychiatrist, and he has done some incredible work with the homeless mentally ill, the book failed to impress me. However, Seager presented some alarming facts about public policy in relation to mental illness. For example, did you know that in many areas of the country, a person is considered legally competent to live on their own if they wear tattered clothes, sleep under a car and forage for food in a dumpster? Legally, this counts as clothing, shelter and food. These people, most of whom are schizophrenic, are not eligible for any type of long-term care.

Seager presented the problem in horrifying detail, but he also talked about solutions, promoting a great organization called the National Alliance on Mentall Illness (NAMI). The organization is focused on advocacy, research, support and education to improve the lives of persons living with serious mental illness and their families. Another excellent organization is the one my mother works for, the Mental Health Association. Both websites have numerous resources available, so if you or someone you know is struggling with debilitating mental illness, you should definitely check them out.

Q: How many librarians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Look it up.

I came across an article this morning about libraries that are doing away with the whole quiet thing. Quick summary -- libraries are trying to change with the times (they did away with those torturous card catalogs, you know) and since we all live at such a noisy, frenetic pace nowadays, many libraries are embracing a more "active" vibe.

These libraries still have "quiet sections" for people who are there to read or study. But there are also sections for wireless laptop use, kids' corners, and teen cafes. So basically, your local library is going to be just like Barnes & Noble, except you have to return the books.

In the context of the article, a woman comments on the detrimental effect these new "active" libraries can have on kids with ADD:

"Pera said libraries have been one of the few places to truly find quiet. At home, noise from family members, neighbors and traffic often intrude. What chiefly concerns Pera about the lack of quiet - especially in children's lives - is now it can contribute to learning difficulties and attention disorders. "When people become accustomed to noise, they need louder and louder stimulation to capture their attention," she said. "It's up to parents and communities to provide the scaffolding that young people need to develop strong brain function," she said. "Part of that is helping them learn how to quiet down and focus. If the library is no longer the place for that, where can they find it?"" San Mateo County Times, 7/3/06

While part of me agrees with her, I know countless adults and kids with ADD who concentrate better with some background noise. As a kid, Jen couldn't do her homework without the radio on. Some of my friends used to do their homework while watching TV. Personally, I needed total quiet in order to focus. In college, the library was the only place I could study (that's my college library in the photo). To this day, I can't even carry on a conversation while the TV is on, but ADDers don't seem to be phased at all by background noise.

So I'm wondering what would be better for you and/or your partner -- a quiet library or an "active" library?