So I Married an ADDer

I bought a decaffeinated coffee table -- you can't even tell the difference.

I read an article today out of Canada (hello Canada!) about young teenagers with coffee habits. The article profiles some 14-year-old girls who start their day with coffee and have some more before they start their homework. Of course we're not talking about coffee coffee, we're talking about blended coffee drinks (mochaccinos, flavored lattes, etc.) that appeal to young kids.

I have a double standard when it comes to kids drinking coffee. I cringe when I see middle school kids on the subway drinking iced espresso, but I started drinking cappuccino several times a week at age 13, to impress a boy. He flew the coop but my love for frothy java beverages stayed with me until college, when I switched to regular coffee several times a day to stay awake.

Jen (the ADD one), uses coffee as a kind of reset button. She can't function in the morning (and sometimes at night) without it. I can go without coffee if I have to, but I've never wanted to try.

The article goes on to discuss ADD symptoms in relation to caffeine consumption:

"A study by a U.S. National Institute of Mental Health researcher found that 8- to 13-year-olds who regularly consumed high doses of caffeine were seen as more restless by teachers, and one-third were wired enough to meet the criteria for attention-deficit disorder with hyperactivity.

And a University of Minnesota study found that when a group of 8- to 12-year-olds stopped consuming the equivalent of three cans of cola daily, their attention spans, manual dexterity, processing speed and memory declined within 24 hours and the deficit persisted for up to a week." Globe & Mail 10/28/06

In other words, caffeine makes kids hyper and restless but without it they're lifeless slugs...just like us.

There are plenty of arguments as to why kids should not be drinking coffee (stunted growth, hypertension, etc.) but it's been said that caffeine actually alleviates some of the more "interfering" symptoms of ADD.

Would it stand to reason, then, that ADD teens should be drinking coffee? Or is this just more evidence of kids growing up too fast?

ADD News Roundup

And now, the news.

"ADD people can't remember where they put stuff so they keep it out in front of them." Honey, what's the meat thermometer doing in the living room?

"Before 1980, kids who were high-energy were given extra tasks to tire them out." Jimmy, wash the car! Jimmy, make a souffle! And in case you forgot, we're all gonna die! When hypochondriacs write op-ed pieces.

"Children who grow up immersed in nature are far less likely to suffer from ADHD." Good thing I was raised by wolves.

I don't have time for this, I have "TDD". You sneaky direct marketing professionals.

The Maul

I hate shopping. I like getting new clothes, but I hate looking for them. I'm originally from New Jersey, so I'm accustomed to visiting the mall at least three times a week. Thankfully I now live in upstate New York and my mall excursions are down to once a month, tops.

But I do hate shopping. Mostly I hate lugging around an armload of clothes on hangers, while also lugging my purse and whatever I've already purchased elsewhere in the mall. I have seen some women employ a baby stroller for this purpose, which is great as long as your baby doesn't mind. Other things I hate about shopping are dressing rooms, long lines, and the constant reminder that I am no longer 17, stick thin, and living off my parents' money.

As much as I complain, Jen is a hundred times worse. Her biggest challenges in the mall are parking lots, crowds and slow people, all of which are cranked up to full volume on the weekend. Yesterday after visiting only one store and buying one shirt, Jen was white as a sheet and needed to rest on a bench with a bottle of cold water.

Do all ADDers suffer from shopping burnout? I usually need to relax for an hour or so after coming home from the mall to cure the headache, but Jen is completely wiped out. On the other hand, I know some people who could shop all day and come out alive.

Either way, the holidays are around the corner and we all need to suck it up or go online!

This bun's for you.

This new ad for Skittles reminds me so much of my own ADDer. If you've got one at home, you know what I mean. Watch and learn.

System Failure

For the most part, Jen and I manage to run a functioning household. It's not the "tight ship" I grew up in or the "circus" many of my friends did, but it's a (mostly) clean, comfortable home.

Jen cooks; I clean. It's a simple arrangement, and it works well for Jen because her ADD cooking skills cause her to make one hell of a mess. When she knows she doesn't have to clean it up, she doesn't mind the actual cooking. And I will pretty much agree to anything as long as I don't have to cook or prepare food in any way. 

The problem right now is that Jen is in bed with a sinus infection. And when you're sick, you don't exactly want pizza and Chinese take-out, so I'm forced to cook. Last night I tried to make chicken noodle soup (from a can) and a turkey and cheese sandwich melted on toast. It was a disaster. I burned my hand on the soup pot and dropped the soup all over the floor. I burned the toast yet somehow failed to even warm the turkey. Jen ate half of it obligingly, but I think she'll ask for pizza tonight.

The point I'm trying to make here is that when you have certain household systems set up to accomodate an ADDer, you also need a backup plan for those times when the system shuts down. I'm thinking about making a binder of fool-proof recipes, or even just simple reminders like Don't put an empty pot on high heat for 10 minutes and then try to pour a can of condensed soup into it.

It's also important during a system shut-down to get your priorities straight. Is it more important to empty the dishwasher as usual or to watch your sick partner's favorite show with her? When you can't do it all, you have to pick and choose what really matters.

Help! My guests are eating the potpourri!

I once had a lovely female coworker who endorsed professional etiquette training for women. Being a jeans-and-sneakers, to-each-her-own, can't-get-a-man-with-a-gun kind of gal, I bawked at her dainty, frilly ways.

Now, years later, I've come upon a website so appalling and yet so...dare I say it...useful, that I feel compelled to share it.

It's Good Housekeeping's Peggy Post on Etiquette for Today. I have to hand it to Peggy Post. The woman has an answer for everything. Invitation said not to bring a gift? Peggy knows what to do. In-laws expect you to wait on them hand and foot? Peggy can get them to pitch in. Neighbor lets her son play in your yard without asking? Peggy will tell you what to say. Peggy, Peggy, Peggy.

I resent someone suggesting that I sit a certain way to appear "ladylike." But that's not what this etiquette site is about. It's a how-to for life's awkward situations. And especially for ADDers who suffer from chronic foot-in-mouth disease, this is a very useful tool.

The bad news for me is that I've breached so many of these etiquette guidelines that now I feel totally embarrassed. I've been applying makeup on public transportation for as long as I can remember. Now what? I have to get up 15 minutes earlier? Sorry Peggy. Ain't gonna happen.