So I Married an ADDer

A Tale of Two Kitties

We all have bad days, but ADDers are prone to having more bad days than the rest of us. When you're overwhelmed by everyday life, things are more likely to go awry.

This is a story about two women, Linda and Joanne.

It's 9:07 AM. Linda had hoped to leave the house seven minutes ago, but that's okay. The dentist is usually a few minutes behind schedule. She grabs her keys off the table and opens the door. Suddenly, she hears an awful retching sound coming from the kitchen. It's Mittens the cat. He just threw up all over the floor. Linda consoles him and cleans up the mess with a paper towel. When she knows he's okay, she heads back out the door. On the way, she calls the dentist's office to let them know she'll be 15 minutes late. The staff is very understanding.

At 9:07 AM, Joanne is also running late. She can't find her keys anywhere. (They turn up in the pocket of the pants she wore yesterday.) Joanne has one foot out the door when she hears Buttons throwing up. She rushes back inside and tends to the cat. Worried, she gets on her computer to research feline leukemia. She soon discovers that she's 15 minutes late for the dentist. Angry with herself, Joanne calls to cancel her appointment. It's not even 10:00 AM and she's so spent from the morning that she goes back to bed until noon.

Linda and Joanne are both running 15 minutes late for the dentist. But Joanne has ADD, which means that in addition to being late, she's stressed out over losing her keys and worried that her cat could have a deadly virus. She's in no position to see the dentist. The day is awash, and she needs to go back to bed in order to "reset".

As the non-ADD half of a couple, it's sometimes hard to understand what our partners are going through. Just because we wouldn't cancel a dentist appointment because the cat threw up doesn't mean we can't have sympathy for Joanne. ADDers have a "shorter fuse" and they need to reset when things get overwhelming. Our job is to be supportive and help out wherever we can. We can't force our partners to have the same brain chemistry as we do, and besides, it would be really boring if they did.

Go Go Gadget Gadget Holder

I'm a big fan of gadgets. I don't own many, but I like to read about them and fantasize about how much easier my life would be with the latest and greatest technology. But one gadget I heard about today struck me as so ADD-friendly (and maybe even ADD-crucial) that I had to pass it along. It's this thing:

This is is Renault "Grass Mat" dashboard gadget holder, and unlike those flimsy stick-on things that claim to hold your stuff in place, this one can stand up to every bump and curve in the road.

Why is it ADD-friendly? Because look inside an ADDer's car. There is stuff everywhere. It flies around, gets lost under the seats, and sometimes (dangerously) gets in the way of the floor pedals. If ADDers could just stick their smaller items (cell phone, cigarettes, iPod, lip gloss) into some rubbery grass on the dashboard, the problem would be solved.

If you live in the U.S., you can't buy a Renault, but I'm hoping this neat little feature catches on. Are you listening, GM? Or perhaps Renault will issue the Grass Mat as an add-on accessory, so you could purchase it for use in your own car.

A place for everything, and...where the hell is everything?

If I had to put money on it, I'd say the most commonly used phrase in our house is "Have you seen the _____?"

Last night, Jen was mumbling to herself, something about losing a small notebook. I asked, "Are you talking about the small notebook in the laundry basket?" Turns out I was correct.

It's not that our house is messy, because by most people's standards, it's not. But after 9 months of settling in, our possessions are starting to migrate. And it's not my fault.

Jen informs me that it's very ADD to leave something out once you're done using it, in case you need it again. This is especially true of things like tweezers, permanent markers, stamps, eyedrops. They all have a drawer to live in, but they're never in there. So when you need them, you have to go looking.

In regards to the wandering notebook last night, Jen said to me, "Why didn't you tell me it was in the laundry basket earlier?" And I answered, "Because if I went around the house pointing out everything that was out of place, it would take all day." 

I'm learning to live with it.