So I Married an ADDer

Dude, you saved $400.

The last time I bought a computer, I chose a Mac laptop because I wanted to look cool. I fell for the marketing gimmicks and found myself with an expensive piece of equipment that to this day I don't fully know how to use. I can surf the web and use iTunes, but that's where my Mac abilities end. Jen opens a can of I-told-you-so every time I whine about it. (Interesting fact: 46% of Mac users are older people. So much for that arrogant hipster dude.)

After 3 years, it was time for a new computer. This time I didn't leave anything to chance. I got a desktop PC. And I let Jen order it.

If you have an ADD partner, you know that when he or she becomes hyperfocused on something, there is no hope of communication until the blinders come off. But you can use it to your advantage. Jen was hellbent on getting the best possible deal on a computer, and I let her take as long as she needed.

It took about 3 hours of trial and error using insider advice from Consumerist and coupon codes from Dealhack, but Jen saved us nearly $400.

So the lesson to be learned here is this: use your ADDer's hyperfocus to save money! The 3 hours Jen spent buying my new computer were well worth it...and according to her, it only felt like 20 minutes. Time flies when you're on a mission.

 

 

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i'm in ur bed, keepin u awake

When I was 10, my family took a vacation to Mexico, and all I could talk about the entire time was my favorite TV show, You Can't Do That on Televison. My poor mother. Every 5 minutes, it was "Mom! One time, on You Can't Do That on Televison, they said the funniest thing! They said..." Of course she didn't understand or care what I was talking about, but she put up with it, because I was 10.

Jen is 31. And last night, I couldn't fall asleep because she kept prodding me with, "Are you awake? I just remembered another good one. Did you see the one where the kitty goes..."

She was talking about her latest obsession, I Can Has Cheezburger. I'm the one that told her about it, but she's become an addict. It's an awesome site, and I say that both as an animal blogger and as a fan of talking kittens.

It's not uncommon for adults with ADD to lie awake in bed obsessing over things. The vast majority of ADDers experience difficulty falling asleep, often because of invasive thoughts or anxiety. It's a real problem, and one that should be brought to a doctor if it interferes with the person's quality of life.

But come on, she kept me up last night over this!

Does your ADDer keep you up over ridiculous things?

 

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Top 6 Reasons Why Hiking is an ADD-Friendly Sport

1. You can go whenever you want.
Most ADDers need a few hours to ease into the day, and most sports require an early start. But if you start your hike in the early evening, there are fewer people on the trails, and the sun isn't blazing overhead.

2. You don't need to bring anything.
How many times have you showed up at the swimming pool without your goggles? Or taken your kid to his baseball game without his glove? When you get in the car to go hiking, all you need is a bottle of water. Sure, certain stores sell hiking gear, but for a casual weekend hike, you don't need squat.

3. There are no rules.
The only rule of hiking is Leave No Trace, which basically means don't litter and don't deface anything. Other than that, you're free!

4. No frustrating learning curve.
Have you tried other sports, only to give up after a few lessons because you weren't improving fast enough? Hiking is just walking. There is nothing to learn, and you don't even need to be coordinated. You're a great hiker already, even if you have no experience.

5. You can turn around and go home.
Bored to tears after 15 minutes? There is no game to play out and no team to disappoint. Turn yourself around and head back to the parking lot.

6. It's good for your brain.
Walking in the woods is like an instant battery recharge. It allows you to relax and connect with yourself and whomever you bring along. Fresh air and sunlight are good for your body and good for your mood. So get out there! 

 

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Take a Hike

For the past few weekends, Jen and I have been hiking in the mountains. That's right, I said hiking in the mountains. 

We'd been talking about going for over a year, so when we finally set a date, I wasn't convinced that we'd actually go. ADDers often come up with great-sounding plans that they never follow through on.

When the day arrived, we hadn't discussed a departure time, so we just played it by ear. We slept late, read the newspaper and watched TV for a few hours, did a little cleaning, and took a nap. By then, I figured it was safe to assume that hiking was no longer in the cards.

Little did I know that when you have ADD, it's perfectly okay to start a hike at 5:30 in the evening. I've always thought of hiking as something one does in the morning...or at least by mid-afternoon. But Jen thought nothing of it, so we started our trek when most people were sitting down to dinner.

I'll admit, I was annoyed at first. What's the point of starting something...anything...so late on a Sunday? But once we got on the mountain, I realized it was better to go late, because the trail was practically abandoned!

This is just one of the reasons why hiking is an ADD-friendly sport -- the longer you wait to start, the less crowded it is! More tips to come later in the week.

 

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On Parenting

My Aunt Wendy has two sons. Connor is 12 and has ADD; Patrick is 8 and does not. Raising two boys, especially when one has ADD, would be a challenge for any parent. But my Aunt Wendy has it even harder - she has ADD, too.

It took years for my aunt to tame the chaos that so easily overtook her household. She was always frantic, stressed out, and miserable. The boys' needs were overwhelming and she never made time for herself. She was fighting with Connor every day to get him to do his homework. And everyone in the house was miserable.

When she couldn't take it anymore, my Aunt Wendy decided to do things differently. She made it a priority to take care of herself and learn to manage her ADD. She started embracing Connor's gifts and individuality, rather than stressing about his homework. Everything changed in their family, and now it's a really fun and loving house to be in.

If your partner sounds like my Aunt Wendy, listen up. The ADD Management Group is presenting a one-time-only, 3-week coaching program in which our parenting expert, ADD Coach Sharon Howell, will guide participants through what it takes for parents with AD/HD to raise successful and happy kids with AD/HD.

There's a lot of information out there about how to effectively parent kids with AD/HD. Unfortunately, very little of it is geared toward parents who have AD/HD.This promises to be an enjoyable and helpful group. If you'd like to learn more, visit http://www.addmanagement.com/parentinggroup.html.

What's all the fuss about?

When people talk about ADD, they always mention three primary characteristics - distractibility, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. While those are important, there's a fourth that goes unacknowledged: fussiness.

Everyone is fussy about certain things, and some of us are even neurotic. But ADDers are fussy about pretty much everything, from the tags in their shirts to the ice in their drinks. A nice way of putting it would be to call them sensitive, not fussy. But I'm married to one, so I can say fussy.

I have been calling Jen The Princess and the Pea because of an ongoing skirmish with our mattress. It's been dipping slightly in the middle, causing us to lie at an imperceptible angle. Well, imperceptible to everyone but Jen. We've tried everything to get it flat. We even got a new bed frame. It's better, but not perfect. And Jen can't sleep unless it's perfect.

I could sleep on a pile of broken glass. Jen can't sleep on an expensive Tempurpedic mattress that's barely lost its shape. Does anyone else have a fussy partner they'd like to tell me about? Please share in the comments.

 

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The Assassin

Sometimes, when you're married to an ADDer, you have to stay up until 3:00 in the morning doing something ridiculous.

Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, Jen spotted something out of the corner of her eye that was moving quickly across the carpet. I sprang into action.

You see, Jen has an irrational fear of cockroaches, which I can't hold against her, because everyone has their phobias (mine is birds). But we haven't seen (or expected) a roach since we moved out of our New York City apartment a year ago.

Upon seeing the bug, Jen started screaming, "Get something! Get something!" I knew this meant “get something to cover it with” so I grabbed an empty glass and trapped the tiny invader underneath it. But I couldn't just leave it under the glass and go to bed. Jen had to know what it was or else she couldn't go to sleep. (As she put it, "How would you like it if a bird flew in here and I trapped it under a box and told you to go to sleep?")

So the analysis began…and so did the ADD hyperfocus. Is it a roach or does it just look like a roach? Because what would a roach be doing in the country? (Incidentally, we can't actually say roach; we have to say "one of them".)

Jen, of course, can't look at the invader. So I have to relay the details to her while she sits at her computer, searching Bug Guide and What's that Bug for a species that looks like a roach but isn't a roach. At one point, I put my laptop on the floor right next to our captive and compared it to a Google image search of roaches. Then, I took digital macro closeup photos of the invader and compared those to what I found online. (I would have posted one of the photos here, but Jen can't look at them.)

By 2:00, we were pretty confident that it wasn't a roach. Our online searches led us to a subclass of assassin bug that looked very much like our friend under the glass. It took an hour of intense questioning before Jen was fully convinced of its identity. "Are you sure it's not one of them? Would you bet money on it?"

By 3:00, we went to bed, but Jen had a hard time falling asleep. "Erin, when I close my eyes, all I see is them. Are you positive it's an assassin?"

I was positive it was an assassin. And I was actually grateful to have an assassin in my home.

 

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Let John Do It

There is a contractor where I grew up in New Jersey whose business name is Let John Do It. I remember seeing the vans emblazoned with his logo when I was a kid. We always had a laugh over it, because my father's name is John. And in my house, there was no let John do it, because John wasn't going to do it. John outsourced everything. He even had an electrician come in to change the light bulbs.

I bring this up in light of Jen's post today on outsourcing and virtual assistants. She's reading the popular book The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss (buy from Amazon here) and she's now obsessed with outsourcing. The premise of the book is that the author really does only work four hours a week, yet manages to be enviably wealthy. How is this possible?!

I haven't read the book yet, but evidently (like my father), Tim Ferriss outsources everything, including personal tasks. My father wasn't lazy, he just wanted to relax in his spare time. And don't we all? But most people spend at least half their spare time fixing stuff, cleaning, running errands, etc. My dad wasn't on board with that, so he hired people to do all the annoying little stuff that interfered with his leisure time. Tim Ferriss and his followers are doing the same thing on a larger scale.

Jen is especially excited about the book because of her ADD. When people come to the ADD Management Group for solutions, the first thing they say is, "I'm overwhelmed by all the stuff I have to do." Overwhelm is the number one issue faced by the mass of ADDers. The 4-Hour Work Week is knocking overwhelm out of orbit by taking away all that stuff you have to do. Certainly sounds like a good idea to me.

 

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I'm SAAD

For the past 24 hours, I've been afflicted with what Jen calls SAAD - Spousally Acquired Attention Deficit.

Yesterday, seemingly out of nowhere, I got this simultaneous surge of energy and influx of ideas (mostly for luvmutt) that I had to get started on right away. I sat down with my laptop and left no room for interruption - not for walking the dogs, not for watching TV, and not even for eating until I was about to pass out from hunger.

When Jen did pry me away for dinner (at 9pm) I couldn't stop talking. Then on a quick trip to Barnes & Noble I embarrassed Jen multiple times by saying really stupid things really loudly.

I kept working on my laptop until 11:45, at which point Jen forced me to go to bed (I get up early for work).

As soon as I got to work this morning, I started in on my projects again. And I can't stop. I keep noticing more stuff I want to do, and it's killing me to leave it unfinished. Jen said to me, "Stop! You're acting crazy!" and I said, "Now you know what I put up with!"

 

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