Complicated

I'm into my second week of working full time with Jen, and she's clearly starting to get frustrated with the way I do things. She wanted me here in the first place because I'm organized and good with details, but she keeps accusing me of overcomplicating everything.

For example, she asked me to make a contact sheet of phone numbers for people we call all the time. No problem. I made a very nice table in Excel. She hated it. "Why can't you just use Word?" So I made a table in Word. Apparently she doesn't want a table. She just wants a mishmash of tabs. Something that can't even alphabetize itself!

And that's only one example. I am struggling to find ADD-friendly ways to organize a business that still make sense to me. I know that I have a tendency to make things more complicated than they need to be, but I underestimated the challenge of coming into an ADD-run business and having to make sense of it all.

Knowing what I do about adult ADD, I understand that it's critical for ADDers to do things their own way. Most of them have spent most of their lives conforming to standards that made absolutely no sense to them – standards that have caused endless frustration and feelings of failure. I don't want to be part of the problem. I want Jen to steer this ship. It would just be nice if I could find the rudder.

 

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Comments

[Annie]

Hi Erin,

It's an ADDer thing. I can't stand anything in Excel either, it completely freaks me out. It needs to be Word for me too,(although I can cope with it in a table)

Working together will get easier, it just takes a while, quite as long while.........

[kerry]

Erin - I commend you in your efforts to work with Jen and recognize what you both bring to the business. I'm an anthropologist with ADD and regularly read your blog (sometimes laughing b/c I totally relate). An anthropology method that you might use in helping you acclimatize to Jen's work world is pretending that you are in a different culture for the first time. Take in, observe her and her work method for a while before contributing to it. Take notes, think about what you've observed, write it down and start formulating questions about how you could add value to her work method vs. changing it. Then, once you've done that for say a week or so, start asking questions about why she does things the way she does them (or course, ask gently, inquisitively, not critically) and let her know at this point, not before, why you are asking. Then, as the more commonly organized partner, you can begin to structure the office in a way that hopefully works for both. You can also communicate to Jen why you chose to approach organizing whatever in the way that you did ("b/c I observed that you do this this way, and it seems that it works for you, but what do you say about doing it this way?") and maybe just tweaking her process bit-by-bit until she can recognize and appreciate it. It may take time, more than a non-Adder is used too but the pay-off is worth it b/c eventually, with some trial and error, you will develop a system that works for both of you, and potentially improves your business.

Good luck and thanks for your blogs and insights! They surely have helped me in my transition from being unaware about my ADD to being aware and empowered by it.

Kerry

[Erin]

Thanks to you both for your advice and encouragement. I was an Anthro minor in college but I never thought of approaching this new ADD work environment like a field study - good advice and yet, freaking hysterical. My friends and I had a dorky joke in college..."There are no small cultures, only small anthropologists." I will try your methods and hopefully Jen and I can find a balance soon.

[Addled Academic]

Erin, I emphatically second Kerry's comment as an ADDer and as somebody whose partner has ADDish tendencies. Definitely do this as calmly as possible, use humor when possible, and focus on the goal itself (figuring out a system that works for both of you).

Don't forget that playing with organizational systems can be highly stimulating for ADDers. If I let myself get sucked in, I can spend hours fiddling with tables in word, spreadsheets in Excel, etc. It can strangely be fun to reinvent the wheel, but in the long run, it's still just a wheel. It just needs to work, and doesn't have to be perfect.

Last but not least, as you've probably already learned in your relationship, it's always easier to do these things with love and kindness. Judging by the tone of your blog, this probably comes easily to you with Erin!