What About Me? Wednesday: Stop Taking Cues from Your ADDer

If your ADD spouse is anything like mine, they march to the beat of their own drum. They may often set out to do one thing, and end up doing something else entirely. They may succumb to hyperfocus and stay up all night for reasons you can't understand. But we love them for their uniqueness, and that's the way it goes.

However, as I am quickly learning now that I am working from home full time, it's a dangerous thing to take on your ADDer's habits. For example, Jen has a tendency to stay up late and snooze through her alarm, and she takes a few hours to get going in the morning. She needs coffee and CNN before she can even think about working. I have always been the type of person who functions best first thing in the morning. But I didn't stay true to that once I started working here. I started snoozing through my alarm and watching TV in the morning, with Jen. By the time I got to my desk, my brain was a lump of mush, and I couldn't get anything done.

So now I am making a point of honoring my own rhythms, and doing what I need to do in order to be at my best. If you've gotten in the habit of staying up later than you're comfortable with to accommodate your ADDer, or if in general you find yourself marching to your partner's drum instead of your own, it's time to reflect on what works best for you. After all, you both need to be at your best in order for your relationship, your home, your work, and everything else to thrive. If your partner is doing things "their way" to manage their ADD (which is a good thing), you need to figure out what your way is, and take care of yourself.

 

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Comments

[CT]

I second that! In our case, I, the ADDer, am the one who needs lots of sleep while my wife does not. (Guess I'm still the kid who is "Full On" all day and then hits the wall like a bug on a windshield about 9:00)

It would be silly for her to parallel my hours. Likewise, I cannot sit up every night to watch Leno.

It is actually good to be different! One nice way to look at this is Kahlil Gibran's poem about Marriage, from his best-known book "The Prophet." Here's a link.

www.robinsweb.com/inspiration/prophet.html

[Attentive]

I third it.

I like to sleep in 'till 10 on the weekend, while my ADD'er typically awakens at 5-6, potters around for a while, jumps back into bed for a spell, then still manages to get out of bed before I do. As someone who holds down a 9ish-5ish job, there's no way I could do that.

On the flipside, don't be quick to dismiss their ADD ways. For a while I used to get up with her at 5am each day which did have its addvantages: I didn't have to rush around getting ready for work--I'd arrive refreshed and relaxed.