When you were a kid, it was your parents' responsibility to provide what Dr. Tom Brown calls "scaffolding"—structure, routine, and boundaries that kept you from running amok. Kids can't build this scaffolding themselves (as evidenced by my new favorite show, Kid Nation—the kids could barely function until the host stepped in and gave them some direction).
This is the reason many people are not diagnosed with ADD until adulthood. Their parents provided such strong scaffolding that their ADD challenges did not surface until that scaffolding was removed. When you leave the nest, so to speak, it's up to you to decide when to go to bed, when to wash the dishes, when to pay the bills, etc. ADDers can have a hard time creating and sticking to their own structure. But what about us, their partners?
I'm thinking about scaffolding today because I'm having a hard time with mine. I've been working from home with Jen for over two months, and I'm still struggling to nail down a routine. People tend to think working from home is a dream come true (and in many ways, it is) but it requires self-discipline and, more importantly, balance.
As I've mentioned before, Jen and I have different biorhythms. Our energy peaks at different times. I need to start working as soon as I wake up; Jen needs a few hours to ease into the day. In the beginning, I made the mistake of following Jen's routine myself, and that was a disaster.
So I made a commitment to working hours that take advantage of my energy levels, and that helped. But I still felt completely disorganized and overwhelmed. Jen helped me figure out that I needed to have a basic layout for my whole week, not just one day at a time.
Here are a few examples of my new weekly structure:
Monday mornings, I do the finances. Tuesday mornings, I work on luvmutt. Wednesday afternoons are marked "Happy Homemaker" because that's when I clean the house. Thursdays I catch up on projects and to-do's; Fridays are focused on business development. If I stuck to it, this scaffolding would work really well for me.
But I haven't been sticking to it. I'm sabotaging myself. This week, I did Tuesday's work on Monday (in addition to Monday's work), so I could work on a big project on Tuesday. But the house was filthy, so I spent Tuesday being "Happy Homemaker". Now it's Wednesday, I have no idea what I'm doing, and I feel totally frazzled. I have things I didn't finish on Monday and a big project hanging over my head.
I feel like I have ADD! Jen keeps encouraging me to stick to my structure. It's funny that I'm learning about structure from Jen—I'm supposed to be the organized one. But she's been working from home a lot longer than I have, so this is one area where the tables are turned.
What lessons have you learned from your ADD partner?
Jen's new book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD, is now shipping. Get your copy today!
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