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I did a blog post last year about how my ADD partner Jen often describes her brain as a nonstop hamster wheel. Well, thanks to the incomparable ICHC, we now have a visual illustration of the ADD Brain:
Just thought you'd enjoy that as much as I did.
Jen and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary. When we first got together, I moved into her apartment. She'd been there awhile and had already established a place for all her stuff, so I followed suit. No problem.
But when we moved into our house about 3 years ago, we had to create brand new organizational systems for where things go. Before we ever unpacked, Jen asked if I wouldn't mind if she set up the kitchen cabinets, drawers, refrigerator, and pantry on her own. She's the only one who cooks, so of course I didn't take issue with her request.
Admittedly, I'm a very organized person, but I'm not rigid. Still, Jen has configured the kitchen in a way that makes very little sense to me, and sometimes when I'm not paying attention, I'll put something where it doesn't "belong".
Allow me to illustrate:
Cabinet #1: small appliances, mixing bowls, strainers. Gotcha.
Cabinet #2: barbecue rotisserie, immersion blender, garbage bags. You're losing me.
Drawer #1: spatulas, mixing spoons, ladles. No problem.
Drawer #2: pie plate, cookie cutters, onions. I'm sorry, what?
Uncomfortable as I may sometimes feel with the cabinets and drawers, I rarely screw things up in there. It's the pantry and the fridge that get me every time. Some things in jars, such as peanut butter, go on the second shelf in the pantry; other things in jars, such as coconut butter, go on the third shelf. To me, if it's in a jar, it goes with the other jars. I can't get it right. And, understandably, Jen gets totally thrown off when something is not in its place in the kitchen.
People with ADD need structure, plain and simple. When things are out of order, ADDers tend to get overwhelmed and stressed out. As their partners, we need to be sensitive to that. No matter how crazy their organizational systems may seem to us, we can't screw with them. And we can't force them to do things our way, a way which might not even make sense to them. So even if it feels like you're in Salvador Dali's kitchen, just put the damn peanut butter on the right shelf.
I mean, I know how Jen feels. Like I said, I'm far from rigid--I'm a huge fan of the junk drawer (I have one upstairs and one downstairs)--but when I find things in odd places, it drives me up a wall.
For example, Jen likes to wear bracelets. But rather than keeping them in her jewelry box, she keeps them on the kitchen table. This makes perfect sense to her, because having them there, by her purse and her keys, reminds her to put one on as she's heading out the door. In my mind, accessories are supposed to live in the bedroom, with the clothes. You put them on when you get dressed, not as you're getting ready to leave the house. Seeing all those bracelets on the kitchen table really annoys me.
But that's the key difference: it only annoys me. It doesn't throw me off balance. I can deal with the bracelets being on the table; Jen can't deal with not being able to find the blender when she needs it. Sure, it may seem like no big deal, but when you have a whole day filled with one "no big deal" after another, it becomes a big deal. It's your job to remember that your ADD partner gets overwhelmed easily, and you have to be sensitive to that. You just have to. They put up with your shit, too, you know.
Now wish me luck as I go attempt to make a sandwich.
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