For Partners of People with AD/HD: Good morning!

Jen has mentioned several times on her blog that she needs a little time to get going in the morning. She's certainly not alone, especially among ADDers, and I've learned to give her the space she needs to ease into the day.

I wouldn't call myself a "morning person", but I typically get more done in the morning than at any other time of day. I also tend to be more talkative in the morning. That is, when I have someone to talk to.

Jen and I both make every effort not to schedule meetings or appointments in the morning (Jen because she's not at her best; me because I prefer to use my mornings productively). But sometimes it can't be avoided. Sometimes we find ourselves in the car before we've even had breakfast.

And like I said, I can be quite chatty in the morning, which you can imagine Jen doesn't so much appreciate. Jen would prefer to just drive, sip her coffee, and listen to news radio. 

Recently, Jen and I found ourselves in the car before 9am, taking our puppy Trixie to the vet to get spayed. I was going on and on about some bullshit, as I always do, and Jen was pretty much ignoring me. Until I asked her a direct question, "Hey did you see that picture of the kitten in the--" 

"I don't want you to keep talking."

I've heard about ADDers who are complete and total morning people (like I said, I've heard about them), but there are other ADDers whose energy peaks at night. Jen is by all accounts a "night owl", and I am decidedly not (even in my heyday, I needed a disco nap). So come 10:00 every night, Jen gets a second wind and I get really annoyed with her, the same way she gets annoyed with me in the morning (see here).

The lesson here is this: when you're in a mixed-ADD relationship, you have to be extra sympathetic to your partner's natural biorhythms. If you and your partner have points in the day where one of you wants to murder the other, you have two options: you can avoid each other, or you can gently remind each other, "Honey, I'm not at my best right now. Would you mind toning your energy down a little?" Jen and I do a mix of both, and it works pretty well.

Do you and your partner peak at different times in the day? Feel free to share your stories and strategies in the comments.

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Comments

[Tara McGillicuddy]

Ha Ha Ha!!! I confused John yesterday morning by saying good morning and talking to him like I was awake. It didn't go over to well when he asked me a tax related question before I had coffee and breakfast.

While "Honey, I'm not at my best right now" weren't the words I used, I'm pretty sure he really understand that!!!

[John]

Most of the time, I make it a point not to talk to my wife, until at least 30 minutes after she has had her coffee.

Honestly gentle reminders don't work as well for me. A terse reminder is like touching a hot stove, it hurts a little bit, but you will remember not to touch the stove for a while.