For Partners of People with AD/HD: WTF Are You Talking About?

People with ADD are known for speaking impulsively and speaking out of context. They also have very little patience for formality. Jen is no exception.

Last night, I was washing the dishes and Jen was in the living room. We weren't even having a conversation. Then, out of nowhere, she yells to me, "Of course now he has raw sheep cheese!"

Wrap your head around that one. 

I had to first figure out who has raw sheep cheese and why having it now is so upsetting.

I am a pro at this. I can carry on a perfectly fine conversation with Jen without knowing what she's talking about for a good three or four sentences.

Several times a day, she will walk into a room and say something completely random that she just expects me to understand. In the beginning, my response was usually, "What the hell are you talking about?" But now I'm so used to it that I can jump right in.

Here are my 3 easy steps for carrying on a conversation with your ADD partner when you don't actually know what the conversation is about:

Step #1: Rephrase and Repeat

Rephrase what your partner just said and repeat it back to them:

"Now he has raw sheep cheese?"

Step #2: Mirror Their Emotions

Mimic the emotion your partner is feeling to show that you agree.

"That bastard!"

Step #3: Move it Forward

Ask an open-ended question about the situation to gain some clarity.

"Now what are you going to do?"

This will ideally move the conversation toward a conclusion, or at least shed some light on what's being discussed.

To be honest, I'm still not sure what the sheep cheese thing was about. Just don't tell Jen!

Does your ADD partner say things completely out of context that you're expected to understand? Tell me about it in the comments.

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Comments

[Denise]

I wonder if I do this to DH! He always seems so disinterested but maybe he is just confused.

Erin this blog is such comic relief! I know DH reads it and I get a good giggle out of it too. I am glad that you are writing again!

[heyshippy]

I second Denise. It's interesting hearing about how the "normal" people react. It's also terribly funny. You're a trooper, Erin. PLEASE keep these coming....

[Kris K]

Noooo! For those of us with ADD who love the humor and wit of your blogs, you just can’t leave us hanging like that. Of course I was FORCED to Google “raw sheep cheese”!
I attribute the success of my marriage to keeping each other entertained. Although my husband is the polar opposite of ADD he also has an interesting brain which produces some amusing moments…
One of my favorites was while watching a nature program: A chimp had just caught and killed a smaller primate. He started ripping it apart and was just about to take a bite, when Nick exclaimed, “Eeww, he’s going to eat it raw?!”
BTW my husband is an astrophysicist.

[John M]

Based on this post. I might have to get myself tested for ADHD. I say stuff out of context all the time. Most the time my ADD spouse just tunes me out.

[MK]

This is absofrigginlutely hysterical!! I do this to my dear BF all the time! (As well as everyone else who knows me!!)

Thanks for sharing!
:)

[Tara McGillicuddy]

Oh, now I know why John was talking about Jen and raw sheep cheese.

[laurie]

ahaha i always do this. I just can't be bothered explaining what I'm talking about !!

[S.J.F.]

My husband does this, but normally it's some sports trivia or news that I know nothing about! So repeat, mirror emotions, ask open ended question...got it!

[Miss Christine]

Yes my husband does this all the time and it drives me crazy. Shoot me now PLEASE. Lovely how "normal" people are just expected to think its endearing. Well it isn't. Its totally annoying. I guess I'm kinda grouchy because I have to be the adult and take care of all the responsibility. Tends to wear on a person. Just sayin...